Time has felt so confusing lately. Flashbacks, flashes forward, agonizing seconds stretching into days on end, all buzzing around my head. I barely remember the stillness.
My therapist says that what is happening isn't normal. Threats are not normal. Threats are not okay. Even when I'm the one receiving them, apparently. I'm still struggling to wrap my head around that part. These waves didn't come to punish me, but here I am again, caught in the undertow. It all feels the same. My body can't exactly tell the difference.
My therapist says that no one should feel safe while drowning at sea, but I've been practicing holding my breath. I have always been an athlete. My body aches, it always does, but I think I'll be okay. After all, it's sink or swim.